Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
