im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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