Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
