Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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