OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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