i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize