remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
