You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm at about main and main street
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
