I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
