I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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