also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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