Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
