You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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