do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
