i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
