yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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