i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
