just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
