Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
