Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
