where am i from again
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize