i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
