He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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