he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
