I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
