i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
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let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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