If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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