I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
