We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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