my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
