now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize