he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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