Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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