I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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