Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
