can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
