Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
