Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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