how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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