then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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