His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize