i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
