I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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