Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Two words: blizzard sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dick very happy bro
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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