More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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