And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
