You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the day after is always just damage control
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
His hands were made for my vagina.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
