Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
