Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
