I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm too high and old for this...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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