Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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