We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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