I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
