Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
