I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
