i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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