dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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