Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
