I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
