I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
