Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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