Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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