he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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