he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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