You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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