I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you didnt know i had herpes?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
