Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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