She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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