My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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