Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
